Madonna's loving brother, Christopher Ciccone, barfs a new book on the market this upcoming week: "Life with My Sister Madonna." He reveals the incredible secret that his sister is a narcissist and the most important person in Madonna's life is ... oh-my-Gawd, nobody knew: Madonna!
Mr. Ciccone, the brotherly leech, has plenty of reasons to thank his sister for being who she is and how she is, because he wouldn't have written the book, neither would this tome sell so well--even before its publication date--without her. Madonna may not be perfect sister material, but I am quite happy not to have Christopher C. as my brother. Would you like to have your siblings publishing your family secrets? I thought so.
However, this story reminds me of a success related issue most people fail to consider when they dream and aim for wealth and fame. We want to "get" things and we are not aware that we must first become the one who can have that stuff:
When you were a child, I'm sure you heard this phrase ad nauseam in one form or another: "no, you can't have that yet. Once you are a little older (more responsible, 18, 21, etc.) we shall see." Our parents told us repeatedly we had to BE something FIRST before we were eligible to get the things we were after. They were not that wrong!
People, envious of Madonna's wealth and lifestyle, must know that they can't have all those goodies without BEING Madonna, and most people don't want to be her or like her. Not even her own brother wants to be like her. It's the same with success in other areas. A friend of mine, who is rather successful with MLM and who hates my rants against network marketing, refuses to see that in order to have a thriving network marketing business you need to BE that kind of person. No condescending judgment here: you must enjoy networking or you will fail (like over 90% of those who try).
Either you are a person who loves the MLM world already--the network marketing religion--or you must badly want to BECOME the type of person who feels home in that environment if you care to succeed. It is nonsense, a waste of time, and causing unnecessary pain trying to convince people that "the system", as the great equalizer and enabler, will turn everybody into a success story.
One of the greatest myths is that "money corrupts people." No, not even the largest amount of money can make you do what you absolutely don't want to do. It's kinda like the old hypnosis question, "will you jump off a building if the hypnotist asks you to?" You'd wake up out of the cash trance if someone asked you to do things that are against your nature.
Money operates like a looking glass and it shows you (and others) what you are made of. Huge piles of money make character traits publicly visible. Money brings out the good and the bad in you, but money is NOT responsible for you being the person you happen to be. If someone is corrupt, of course a nice chunk of money will help everyone else to see it. Most of us are so corrupt that we can be bought into doing something we don't want to do--lifelong--with puny wages, a couple of benefits, and worthless seniority babble at the water cooler. Similarly, piles of dough also show a compassionate and generous person clearer.
Again, it's not money first and then its owner changes mind, morals, and convictions: it happens the other way around. Who was first, the chick or the egg? When elderly people fall and break a hip, we know that's not how it happened: the hip broke first and then the person fell. Yet the falling is what we see as the obvious, first.
Usually we see first that someone must have oodles of money. We are not aware what led to that pile of dough. Blinded by good looks and money, people don't care about the details of development an individual had to endure to become who she is today. People judge other people as superficially as they possibly can.
And so it happens that many of us crave to punish the rich (a characterization based on nothing but a wild and ignorant guess), with an increase of capital gains tax, for instance. Since historical data show that a LOWER capital gains tax leads to HIGHER tax revenue, the call for raising that particular tax can only have the aim to punish people. Otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever.
We want to get rich (whatever we think that may be), but at the same time we want to hurt those who are "rich" already. Insane! Then, we think the amount of money one has alone--or his assets--are what got him where he is. Money is power, isn't it? "Money makes the world go 'round?" Claptrap. How much power means a bag with $100,000 under a little old lady's mattress?
In most cases it is the other way around. People have ideas, they act, and they move things. That creates money, and of course more money helps increasing the spreading of ideas, activities, etc. around the globe. But the people were first, NOT their money. An individual with tons of money was FIRST that individual person, with her particular ideas and her personal choices of how she wanted to live her life. Then she had a couple of lucky breaks or she didn't.
It is utterly dumb to believe, "I want money and then I can be who I want to be and do what I want to do." Childish, and still after being with his sister Madonna for almost half a century, Mr. Ciccone's foggy brain has not allowed him to see what's what. As a good, warm-hearted and caring sister, Madonna would have never been Madonna, and not worth writing a single paragraph about in the family scrapbook.
Be happy not to be Madonna! Be glad you are not David Beckham. Be grateful you don't have to be Rush Limbaugh. But stop this slimy envy, the vile bitterness of begrudging other people's money, or just the idiocy of comparison with individuals you don't care to be.
Now, I don't accuse you of doing such stupid things! But you and me, we participate almost daily in conversations where some airhead brings up that very issue. Set the records straight. To defend Mr. Limbaugh and Madonna? Good gawd, NO! To build an environment where YOU can live freely and unfold, privately and professionally, as you damn well please.
Freedom begins with you and it ends with the Ciccones. Everything you do is likely to be criticized by somebody some day, and possibly by your own children in a therapy session twenty years from now.
So what? Do what you want to do, today. Doing that and being you--the one and only original you--may earn you money down the road or not, lots of money or not so much. If you care for your happiness it's an easy choice to make.
Egbert
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
mules and horses
Zig Ziglar once spoke about diet, and he said no sane person would feed her one million dollar race horse a single bite of the wrong food. If it's not conducive to the horse's purpose, it's not going to make it into the horse's stomach.
People, however, don't hesitate to eat all kinds of crap with full knowledge and zero regard for the consequences.
The average person thinks less of himself than we think of race horses. Our self-esteem matches more the value of an old and tired mule. We are neither sane, nor do we believe we're worth much. Hence we go out and buy another diet book. As if we didn't know what's good for us. And some of us have gone too far in our madness, so that we ended up "on the other side," as exercise and diet Nazis.
I don't care about the stuff you stuff yourself with! Eat, get fat, live large--that's none of my business.
But I like Zig's race horse analogy and bloody horse thief that I am, it's worth stealing it for my dark and evil purposes. Would you put your million dollar race horse before a dung cart? Of course not. And no breeder will purchase sperm of that particular horse because it's so damn cute. The horse has a potential that is difficult to measure in monetary terms.
How about your potential? Do you pamper yourself and care for your well-being as you would if you were a horse?
If your self-worth is not above the value of a million dollar horse, I do feel sorry for you. And we squeeze ourselves into the harness of a job, to make "some" money that will cover the wireless bill. We'd prefer a job that pays better, with better hours, and superior benefits. Potential? Potential my arse.
Jobs are supposedly the answer to poverty? Jobs ARE our poverty! Temporarily a job may help you to get through a rough patch in life, but a life in jobs? I ask you one more time: would you let your thoroughbred horse pull a wagon, so that you can make a quick buck helping someone move furniture?
Yes, jobs make some money but more so, they destroy people's potential. Jobs end the development of your individuality. Retirement is not the end of life. That has happened much earlier: getting a job is what's ending your life. Freedom to discover one's true potential and to live it expansively often finds its abrupt end in a job. People get finished on their jobs.
Jobs are the expression of helplessness in our society to treasure individuals. 87% of employees hate their jobs according to Forbes Magazine. Oh my God, that must mean all 87% do what they're meant to do with their lives! As long as they hate what they're doing, they are on the right track. Let's tell the unions to force politicians to create more jobs we can hate.
Are we that nuts? How many marbles do we have left to lose?
Asking for more jobs means we are intellectually and creatively bankrupt. We are at our wit's end. We don't know better than to use the finest potential we have for the most foolish purposes. As long as they are kept busy and don't have too much time to think. Hitler thought that also: let them build Autobahns. Keeps the unemployment rate low.
There is a certain idiocy operating behind the intent to create jobs no matter what. Devious and devilish is the effort to just provide people with sufficient jobs to keep them occupied.
What a waste of human beings! We mourn our dead. I mourn the murder of individuals on their jobs. People fill out a job application willing to waive the better part of their lives. Barbeque on the weekend, a boat, a house, the kids, a pooch. That's it? People show strangers proudly the pictures of their "beautiful" brats--mostly ugly, insecure teenagers--as if finding a cheating spouse and feeding your accidental brood were amazingly unique accomplishments.
What on Earth is YOUR true potential? Every rabbit can make babies. What can you do? And how will you get it out of yourself for everyone to see and to admire?
There is beauty in you, and your job is to pry it out of its closet.
Egbert Sukop
P.S.: The final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet. That should not stop you from picking up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback copy for $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download the eBook edition. Yep, a single puny buck for the entire book! Tell me what you think of it: your "blurb," positive or scathingly negative, will be printed in the First Edition. Condition: your blurb must be offbeat. Boredom verboten!
People, however, don't hesitate to eat all kinds of crap with full knowledge and zero regard for the consequences.
The average person thinks less of himself than we think of race horses. Our self-esteem matches more the value of an old and tired mule. We are neither sane, nor do we believe we're worth much. Hence we go out and buy another diet book. As if we didn't know what's good for us. And some of us have gone too far in our madness, so that we ended up "on the other side," as exercise and diet Nazis.
I don't care about the stuff you stuff yourself with! Eat, get fat, live large--that's none of my business.
But I like Zig's race horse analogy and bloody horse thief that I am, it's worth stealing it for my dark and evil purposes. Would you put your million dollar race horse before a dung cart? Of course not. And no breeder will purchase sperm of that particular horse because it's so damn cute. The horse has a potential that is difficult to measure in monetary terms.
How about your potential? Do you pamper yourself and care for your well-being as you would if you were a horse?
If your self-worth is not above the value of a million dollar horse, I do feel sorry for you. And we squeeze ourselves into the harness of a job, to make "some" money that will cover the wireless bill. We'd prefer a job that pays better, with better hours, and superior benefits. Potential? Potential my arse.
Jobs are supposedly the answer to poverty? Jobs ARE our poverty! Temporarily a job may help you to get through a rough patch in life, but a life in jobs? I ask you one more time: would you let your thoroughbred horse pull a wagon, so that you can make a quick buck helping someone move furniture?
Yes, jobs make some money but more so, they destroy people's potential. Jobs end the development of your individuality. Retirement is not the end of life. That has happened much earlier: getting a job is what's ending your life. Freedom to discover one's true potential and to live it expansively often finds its abrupt end in a job. People get finished on their jobs.
Jobs are the expression of helplessness in our society to treasure individuals. 87% of employees hate their jobs according to Forbes Magazine. Oh my God, that must mean all 87% do what they're meant to do with their lives! As long as they hate what they're doing, they are on the right track. Let's tell the unions to force politicians to create more jobs we can hate.
Are we that nuts? How many marbles do we have left to lose?
Asking for more jobs means we are intellectually and creatively bankrupt. We are at our wit's end. We don't know better than to use the finest potential we have for the most foolish purposes. As long as they are kept busy and don't have too much time to think. Hitler thought that also: let them build Autobahns. Keeps the unemployment rate low.
There is a certain idiocy operating behind the intent to create jobs no matter what. Devious and devilish is the effort to just provide people with sufficient jobs to keep them occupied.
What a waste of human beings! We mourn our dead. I mourn the murder of individuals on their jobs. People fill out a job application willing to waive the better part of their lives. Barbeque on the weekend, a boat, a house, the kids, a pooch. That's it? People show strangers proudly the pictures of their "beautiful" brats--mostly ugly, insecure teenagers--as if finding a cheating spouse and feeding your accidental brood were amazingly unique accomplishments.
What on Earth is YOUR true potential? Every rabbit can make babies. What can you do? And how will you get it out of yourself for everyone to see and to admire?
There is beauty in you, and your job is to pry it out of its closet.
Egbert Sukop
P.S.: The final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet. That should not stop you from picking up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback copy for $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download the eBook edition. Yep, a single puny buck for the entire book! Tell me what you think of it: your "blurb," positive or scathingly negative, will be printed in the First Edition. Condition: your blurb must be offbeat. Boredom verboten!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
independence: long shot
Search "employment" on Google, and you will find 309 million links.
"Unemployment" produces 35.4 million links.
"Self-employment" turns up a measly 4.8 million links.
Dare I say it seems to be more than 7 times as popular to be unemployed than to be self-employed? I can't do that, can I? Well, I just did, and you cannot deny that people prefer to be employed rather than working for themselves. According to an entire minute of my scientific research, I found 1.55% of our population is seriously interested in independence--workwise that is.
We don't care to be productive. The largest employer, the government, pays her people out of tax money. You tell me how many "products," manufactured by the government, are being sold successfully in a competitive market environment? How do you measure performance of a government employee, compared with someone who works at a conveyor belt and pops out a tangible product every twelve minutes or so? Hey, relax! I like having the police checking on bad guys. Parts of the government are indeed important. Government employees are quite alright, but the question got to be legitimate: what percentage of government employment is truly productive?
How about subsidized industries? From ethanol production to the ailing airline industry, or to call centers we hesitate to outsource: if tax dollars have to prop up jobs, they certainly lack productivity. Even good old Ted Turner gets paid handsomely--out of your and my pocket--to stop him from farming his land. I hope he at least is aware of how useless and unproductive he is.
As long as an employee gets a paycheck, she is not necessarily concerned whether she is part of something that generates real income or if she produces marketable services and products. If you are self-employed or an entrepreneur, you don't have such luxury. You have to come up with ideas someone somewhere is willing to give you money for. The government may bail out Bear Stearns' shiny behind, but they won't save your dry cleaning franchise from going belly up.
Independence is not attractive! School teachers won't prepare you for it. Unless your parents are entrepreneurs themselves, they will be scared when you tell them you're going into business for yourself. When John Drummond told his father-in-law he was planning to sell unicycles, he got the (understandable) response: "How many clowns do you know?" I believe John didn't know any clowns back then, and he still managed to take www.unicycle.com past a million dollars in annual sales, meanwhile.
Independence is scary and yet, America has been built on just that by notorious bunglers, inventors, and those who tried to do something without the slightest guarantee to succeed. Independence cannot be bought. You will never have enough assets to be independent, all of a sudden. Independence will always be fragile, uncertain, unprotected, threatened, lonely, unreasonable, and a fiercely individual commodity. You don't get independence as a group ticket. No one can bestow it upon you. And trust me on this one: if and when you take on the challenge to be independent, not one other person will be eager to get your kind of independence.
People will laugh about your silly form of independence, first. If that does not dishearten you, they will attack you. If they can't destroy your stupid independence with aggression, they will develop jealousy. Later on, they'll steal your ideas. They may want to copy your products at some point but they never want a part of the hardship you had to endure in the process. A new business needs care and protection like a newborn child, complete with frequent diaper changes and all.
Yet, that's the future: you being in business for yourself. Don't quit your job! Begin something parallel to your existing job (if you have one). People don't quit when they have a baby, either. Well, if they're smart, they don't. You still need to eat and having a roof over your head helps also. But sooner or later, within the next couple of decades, employment will shrink significantly and self-employment will grow. People hate their jobs for good reasons, and wage slavery will be abolished, step by step.
"With more than one million new businesses each year, America’s economy depends on small businesses for its vitality and growth. According to the 1997 report of the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation’s 17 million small, non-farm businesses constituted 99.7 per cent of all employers, employed 52 percent of private workforce and accounted for 51 percent of the nation’s sales. Small business-dominated industries provided 11.1 million new jobs between 1994 and 1998, virtually all of the new jobs created during that time period. Small businesses are most likely to generate jobs for young workers, older workers and women, provide 67 percent of first jobs and produce 55 percent of innovations.
"Thousands of people with disabilities have been successful as small business owners. The 1990 national census revealed that people with disabilities have a higher rate of self-employment and small business experience (12.2 percent) than people without disabilities (7.8 percent). The Disabled Businessman’s Association estimates that 40 percent of home-based businesses are operated by people with disabilities." (source: U.S. Dept. of Labor, http://www.dol.gov/odep/)
If self-employment required especially strong, well-to-do, and able people, there would be a lower rate of individuals with disabilities in business for themselves than of people who aren't suffering any disabilities. The average person still believes in her strengths as an income source. A growing number of those who had to learn to live with disabilities have discovered that you can exploit your weaknesses just as well as strengths, and possibly with greater success.
You don't need to learn the hard way through disabilities or pain: wherever you are currently in your career or financially, there are ways for you to gain independence, enjoyment, and additional income. Strength or obvious weakness, it is possible to exploit both for fun and profit.
That's what freedom is for.
Egbert
P.S.: Final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet, but you may pick up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback copy for $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download the eBook edition. Yep, a single buck for the entire book!
"Unemployment" produces 35.4 million links.
"Self-employment" turns up a measly 4.8 million links.
Dare I say it seems to be more than 7 times as popular to be unemployed than to be self-employed? I can't do that, can I? Well, I just did, and you cannot deny that people prefer to be employed rather than working for themselves. According to an entire minute of my scientific research, I found 1.55% of our population is seriously interested in independence--workwise that is.
We don't care to be productive. The largest employer, the government, pays her people out of tax money. You tell me how many "products," manufactured by the government, are being sold successfully in a competitive market environment? How do you measure performance of a government employee, compared with someone who works at a conveyor belt and pops out a tangible product every twelve minutes or so? Hey, relax! I like having the police checking on bad guys. Parts of the government are indeed important. Government employees are quite alright, but the question got to be legitimate: what percentage of government employment is truly productive?
How about subsidized industries? From ethanol production to the ailing airline industry, or to call centers we hesitate to outsource: if tax dollars have to prop up jobs, they certainly lack productivity. Even good old Ted Turner gets paid handsomely--out of your and my pocket--to stop him from farming his land. I hope he at least is aware of how useless and unproductive he is.
As long as an employee gets a paycheck, she is not necessarily concerned whether she is part of something that generates real income or if she produces marketable services and products. If you are self-employed or an entrepreneur, you don't have such luxury. You have to come up with ideas someone somewhere is willing to give you money for. The government may bail out Bear Stearns' shiny behind, but they won't save your dry cleaning franchise from going belly up.
Independence is not attractive! School teachers won't prepare you for it. Unless your parents are entrepreneurs themselves, they will be scared when you tell them you're going into business for yourself. When John Drummond told his father-in-law he was planning to sell unicycles, he got the (understandable) response: "How many clowns do you know?" I believe John didn't know any clowns back then, and he still managed to take www.unicycle.com past a million dollars in annual sales, meanwhile.
Independence is scary and yet, America has been built on just that by notorious bunglers, inventors, and those who tried to do something without the slightest guarantee to succeed. Independence cannot be bought. You will never have enough assets to be independent, all of a sudden. Independence will always be fragile, uncertain, unprotected, threatened, lonely, unreasonable, and a fiercely individual commodity. You don't get independence as a group ticket. No one can bestow it upon you. And trust me on this one: if and when you take on the challenge to be independent, not one other person will be eager to get your kind of independence.
People will laugh about your silly form of independence, first. If that does not dishearten you, they will attack you. If they can't destroy your stupid independence with aggression, they will develop jealousy. Later on, they'll steal your ideas. They may want to copy your products at some point but they never want a part of the hardship you had to endure in the process. A new business needs care and protection like a newborn child, complete with frequent diaper changes and all.
Yet, that's the future: you being in business for yourself. Don't quit your job! Begin something parallel to your existing job (if you have one). People don't quit when they have a baby, either. Well, if they're smart, they don't. You still need to eat and having a roof over your head helps also. But sooner or later, within the next couple of decades, employment will shrink significantly and self-employment will grow. People hate their jobs for good reasons, and wage slavery will be abolished, step by step.
"With more than one million new businesses each year, America’s economy depends on small businesses for its vitality and growth. According to the 1997 report of the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation’s 17 million small, non-farm businesses constituted 99.7 per cent of all employers, employed 52 percent of private workforce and accounted for 51 percent of the nation’s sales. Small business-dominated industries provided 11.1 million new jobs between 1994 and 1998, virtually all of the new jobs created during that time period. Small businesses are most likely to generate jobs for young workers, older workers and women, provide 67 percent of first jobs and produce 55 percent of innovations.
"Thousands of people with disabilities have been successful as small business owners. The 1990 national census revealed that people with disabilities have a higher rate of self-employment and small business experience (12.2 percent) than people without disabilities (7.8 percent). The Disabled Businessman’s Association estimates that 40 percent of home-based businesses are operated by people with disabilities." (source: U.S. Dept. of Labor, http://www.dol.gov/odep/)
If self-employment required especially strong, well-to-do, and able people, there would be a lower rate of individuals with disabilities in business for themselves than of people who aren't suffering any disabilities. The average person still believes in her strengths as an income source. A growing number of those who had to learn to live with disabilities have discovered that you can exploit your weaknesses just as well as strengths, and possibly with greater success.
You don't need to learn the hard way through disabilities or pain: wherever you are currently in your career or financially, there are ways for you to gain independence, enjoyment, and additional income. Strength or obvious weakness, it is possible to exploit both for fun and profit.
That's what freedom is for.
Egbert
P.S.: Final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet, but you may pick up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback copy for $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download the eBook edition. Yep, a single buck for the entire book!
Friday, July 4, 2008
independence: short cut
Pursuit of happiness is your right, I know. I do appreciate to live in the only country on earth that acknowledges and protects the individual's right to freedom and happiness. It's huge and not to be taken for granted!
Yet, your right to be happy is not enough if you care to be happy. No one can make you happy: your country can't, your spouse or lover can't, your children can't. Sure, there are people around us who make and bake children for their--the parents'--happiness or as a device to "heal" their broken marriage. What horror for a child to grow up with parents who cripple their kids from day one with the weight of such impossible responsibility! Child abuse of the highest order.
Don't try to misunderstand me: of course, children add to your happiness! AND they will add to your problems. Such is life. But those of us who desire children and have kids IN ORDER TO be happier in life ought to burn in the hell of their daily misery. Guilt is the end product of a doomed undertaking of this kind. Guilt ridden kids who realize they will never be able to satisfy their insatiable and whacko parents. Later on, the crooked parents will--hopefully--grow into lifelong felt guilt for having committed this crime.
There is no long route to your happiness. We could go on and on, to house vs. apartment, living in the mountains or at the beach, being financially well off or struggling: your circumstances, as ideal as they may look from someone else's perspective, are NOT guaranteed resources for your happiness. Not even doing something you love is better suited to make you happy than kvetching along for decades on a disliked job. Yeah, but more money in the bank would definitely make me feel better. Horse shit! We are more creative inventing reasons for our misery than we are willing to be happy.
Studies show that happy people are not wealthier than unhappy individuals. Happy people are not healthier, and they don't have less problems in life than their miserable friends. Regardless of their income, happy people seem to donate more money to charity--to religious and non-religious causes--they even donate more blood and time. The happy ones also appear to belong to religious communities of their choice.
All fine and dandy: it includes the answer but it isn't the answer of how to be happy. Here it is--well, if you can take it, that is:
You cannot become happy. You can only BE happy. Instant happiness kicks in when you ADMIT that you, in fact, are happy already no matter how your life's circumstances may present themselves currently.
It's a tough one, I do know, but you got to bypass the reasoning of your intellect every single time if you care about your happiness and about the happiness of those around you. Being happy is not a selfish act: being miserable is! And both are somewhat contagious. It's not easy to display how happy you are when your loved ones are emotionally down. Happy individuals may feel the need to subdue their true emotional make up in public and especially in the presence of a depressed family member. The one feeling the "emptiness of the big black hole" controls her human environment. No one dares to admit happiness around such a person.
Unhappy and miserable people are the greatest egotists you will find! Don't fall in love with them. Don't marry them ("oh, I will change him"). Stay the hell out of the way of moping people! Unhappy people are the scourge of the earth.
Admit to being happy, baby! Almost always, you'll have to do it in the face of adverse forces. Is it worth it? You decide.
Happy Independence Day!
Egbert
P.S.: Final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet, but you may pick up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback is $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download a copy. Yep, a single buck for the entire book!
Yet, your right to be happy is not enough if you care to be happy. No one can make you happy: your country can't, your spouse or lover can't, your children can't. Sure, there are people around us who make and bake children for their--the parents'--happiness or as a device to "heal" their broken marriage. What horror for a child to grow up with parents who cripple their kids from day one with the weight of such impossible responsibility! Child abuse of the highest order.
Don't try to misunderstand me: of course, children add to your happiness! AND they will add to your problems. Such is life. But those of us who desire children and have kids IN ORDER TO be happier in life ought to burn in the hell of their daily misery. Guilt is the end product of a doomed undertaking of this kind. Guilt ridden kids who realize they will never be able to satisfy their insatiable and whacko parents. Later on, the crooked parents will--hopefully--grow into lifelong felt guilt for having committed this crime.
There is no long route to your happiness. We could go on and on, to house vs. apartment, living in the mountains or at the beach, being financially well off or struggling: your circumstances, as ideal as they may look from someone else's perspective, are NOT guaranteed resources for your happiness. Not even doing something you love is better suited to make you happy than kvetching along for decades on a disliked job. Yeah, but more money in the bank would definitely make me feel better. Horse shit! We are more creative inventing reasons for our misery than we are willing to be happy.
Studies show that happy people are not wealthier than unhappy individuals. Happy people are not healthier, and they don't have less problems in life than their miserable friends. Regardless of their income, happy people seem to donate more money to charity--to religious and non-religious causes--they even donate more blood and time. The happy ones also appear to belong to religious communities of their choice.
All fine and dandy: it includes the answer but it isn't the answer of how to be happy. Here it is--well, if you can take it, that is:
You cannot become happy. You can only BE happy. Instant happiness kicks in when you ADMIT that you, in fact, are happy already no matter how your life's circumstances may present themselves currently.
It's a tough one, I do know, but you got to bypass the reasoning of your intellect every single time if you care about your happiness and about the happiness of those around you. Being happy is not a selfish act: being miserable is! And both are somewhat contagious. It's not easy to display how happy you are when your loved ones are emotionally down. Happy individuals may feel the need to subdue their true emotional make up in public and especially in the presence of a depressed family member. The one feeling the "emptiness of the big black hole" controls her human environment. No one dares to admit happiness around such a person.
Unhappy and miserable people are the greatest egotists you will find! Don't fall in love with them. Don't marry them ("oh, I will change him"). Stay the hell out of the way of moping people! Unhappy people are the scourge of the earth.
Admit to being happy, baby! Almost always, you'll have to do it in the face of adverse forces. Is it worth it? You decide.
Happy Independence Day!
Egbert
P.S.: Final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is not in print yet, but you may pick up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback is $11 or it'll cost you $1 if you want to download a copy. Yep, a single buck for the entire book!
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