money tantra

Is there a connection between money and our sex life or not? My good friend and "inspirator", Tom Volkar (http://www.delightfulwork.com/) recently joked about me telling people in this blog to get laid. Another subscriber from half around the globe asked me to write about how sex and cash connect. Gawd, I feel so torn ...

Firstly, money is more intimate an issue for us than sex. You and I know individuals who can walk into a bar tonight, establish a casual connection with a stranger, and have sex with person X within hours. Exchange of bodily fluids with a stranger is quite normal for some of us--including the taking of risks: manufacturing children (couple of decades of child support can easily be costlier than today's bank balance permits), serious illness, death--but none of these people would feel as willing and comfortable to exchange credit cards or to share their bank accounts with that same random acquaintance. On average, we care about those last $500 in our bank accounts more than about our very lives! On average, our sanity isn't worth much, is it?

Yeah, but that separates sex and money. Where is the junction between the two? I thought you'd never ask. Bad sex is better than no sex, just like some money is better than no money. Sure, we'd love to have a lot of both and of supreme quality, naturally, but reality may have humbled some of us here and there. Both, too little cash flow or a lack of a decent sexlife often translate to desperation. Desperate individuals are nervous, can get pushy, they're prone to use emotional blackmail, and they are likely to develop typical stalker qualities. We can smell such creepy folks from a twenty feet distance, and in business or in relationships we better run from them as fast as we can!

Here's the kicker: I know guys who believe women have no interest in them because they don't earn enough money. Wrong! Women sense desperation--a lack of confidence--and they don't waste their time on figuring out where its roots may be. No money is no problem, no self-respect is the problem. No sex is no problem either but feeling low, incomplete, and stressed about it is a huge disadvantage. People may shy away from doing business with you, "knowing" something is out of balance with you. Sex, money, who cares what caused it? No money or no sex did not cause anything: YOU are the cause of anxiety and of other people's response to it. When you are needy in ANY department, it will come out of your pores and most people around you will know. Neediness affects all other areas in your life negatively and it is between hard and impossible to fight against it. It is an uphill battle if there ever was one.

That's what I have in mind when I suggest to people who struggle with money issues, men and women alike: hey, why don't you get laid. Even your wallet may thank you. If and when you feel desperation somewhere in your life, locate a different area--seemingly disconnected from the painful subject--that allows you to make immediate improvements easily and playfully. That will do more for the complicated departments in your life than feverishly trying to force yourself to succeed where you've been stuck for awhile. By the same token, individuals with messed up relationships turn into workaholics, because that's what appears to work when nothing else will. It's o.k., but only temporarily. Use this technique as a trigger and not as a solution, or it will quickly become a new trap.

La petit mort--the small death--is a common way to experience orgasm and possibly a period of melancholy right afterwards. Bunches of people can't wait to get there, and then they realize they have just lost what they were after. In other words, people use sex to make the feelings (they so cherish) GO AWAY. Has the idea ever crossed your mind to compare orgasm with goal achievement and success in general? For lottery players, winning large amounts can be the worst that can happen to them. Success can be devastating and even deadly. Example: Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, and Co.

Nothing wrong with success or orgasm but if that's the only thing that counts: you are doomed, with or without the orgasm, with or without material success. Performance anxiety, fear of not being able to make it or to get the partner where we believe she or he "should" end up, works nicely as a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we are anxious to get there--whatever "there" may be for us at the time--we are royally screwed. There will be no enjoyment of the entire process. No surprise people hate their jobs. We work for the weekends, for our goals, for successes--and we have sold our ability to be happy the entire time. We are having sex with an eagle eye on orgasm, and sex turns out to be stressful, a fine reason for arguments--verbal and non-verbal--and maybe the reason for extended stretches of no sex. Nice!

Our very goals can become reasons for under achievement. Having to make or fake an orgasm is likely to prevent the real thing from happening, and if it happens it'll be too quick. A small death: so frustrating and tiresome an experience that the guy will want to roll over and forget about it. The girl will lie awake for awhile, disappointed. And that's with orgasm, mind you. People are having some sort of what they call a sex life and they end up being more desperate than when they had no sex at all.

Success in life, your damn orgasms, windfalls of cashola--that stuff is meaningless and next to worthless, unless you enjoy and savor as much as you can whatever you are doing right now. Quickies can be fun, I agree, and so can lottery jackpots be a cheap thrill. But those things are not satisfying longterm. Idiots want to get the money and run from their pitiful cubicle life, just as thousands of couples want to get to the goodies as fast as they can, to get it over with. Rat races are for rats, and I refuse to race anywhere.

Are sex and money connected? Duh. I watch individuals breathe, and I know how their money life looks in general. I hear people bitch about their relationship to their work, and I have a pretty clear idea what's happening--or not--in their bedrooms. I cannot and I will not teach you tantra. In fact, I categorically refuse to teach anything to anybody, but I suggest you stick your nose into a couple of tantra books (for example: Diana Richardson, The Heart of Tantric Sex, A unique guide to love and sexual fulfillment).

I don't care about your stupid sex life: it's none of my business! But translate any tantric idea you come across into your work environment, and your happiness will get a kick in the buttocks that your money can feel.

Apropos books: final version of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' is still not in print yet, but you may pick up an "Advanced Reader's Copy" through my website (http://www.moneybymistake.com/). Paperback is $11.00 for this "Uncorrected Proof," or it'll cost you a puny buck if you want to download a copy. One condition: I want your feedback, a brief "blurb" I can include in the first edition! I don't care if it's positive or scathingly negative, but your feedback must be offbeat. Don't even think about boring my readers with normal niceties.

I love you too ... oh yeah, and your money!

Egbert

P.S.: There is no long road to happiness, you know? Only a short cut: admitting happiness, no matter what the circumstances may be like.