dream life

Dreaming happens whether we like it or not. We don't dream actively. We can ride a bicycle but we cannot intentionally dream. Dreaming "happens." It is an event we have no or extremely little control over.

But then we invent dreams we care about. We believe they are important. We want to turn them into reality. We are becoming attached to the outcome. Our dream--of how reality should be--morphs from innocence into a necessity, and we swear we shall never be happy again without getting what we want.

That's the moment when your finest dream has gathered sufficient power to reduce your life to a pile of rubble. The more we want something, the less freedom we have. A specific goal or a dream can kill the ecstasy you are capable of enjoying this very moment. Dreams that are meant to improve your life may become roots for its destruction.

Let's back up a notch. I am aware there are different types of dreams and goals, and I admit that I am simplifying. But what the hell, why shouldn't I?

Reduced to two kinds of goals, we can pursue one that is supposed to better our lives or a different kind that expresses our enjoyment of life. The former--"I want x, so that my life will be better, more meaningful, healthier, richer, etc."--evokes the image of a dog chasing a rabbit.

The outcome is impossible to predict. We expect to increase happiness in the future, and that imaginary level of happiness is linked to success or to the failure of our projects. We deny ourselves to be content at this moment because we are using misery as the motivator to achieve what we want in the future.

That is self-improvement at its worst. To be honest, where is the improvement in reaching such a goal? When I have to deprive myself of current joy as a psychological technique to get what I want, I am likely to repeat this effective--but nevertheless idiotic--'success' pattern in the future.

Say wha?

Once you have reached goal x, you will find ways to make yourself feel miserable again (re-charging your motivational battery) as a starting point for the pursuit of a new goal y that "will make you so incredibly happy." Pretty sick, don't you think?

Angry people crave to change the world. And when the world changes they are still angry. Anger is their childish tool. Anger is what they enjoy the most, and they will continue to be angry no matter what they'll achieve.

My happiness does not depend on luck and on the decisions other people are making. The outcome of my projects, my success rate or my bank balance, determines how much I can enjoy myself at the moment? That would be a fine reason for blowing my brains out. Sure, it's nice when things go well and when our projects are flourishing. I love when that happens, but I won't permit a fickle universe to steal my happiness.

Does goal setting work? Sure, why not. Is it advisable for the purpose of self-improvement? I am sorry, I have too much self-respect to suggest such a harebrained idea. If you love your life, beware of self-improvement. And if you don't enjoy being you, you have bigger problems to deal with than those that simplistic self-improvement can solve.

The other type of goal I mentioned is based on current contentment. It's not aimed at causing happiness. On the contrary, existing happiness is the foundation for this kind of goal. No retail therapy necessary. There is nothing you need to buy, do, or accomplish before you are willing to respect yourself by being happy and relaxed. You are exercising because you are feeling so good, instead of exercising for the purpose of reaching workout goals.

Playfulness versus dead serious cut throat behavior toward yourself. You can start the same business playfully and you can build the same house. But when contentment is the basis for setting material goals, they are easier to accomplish because it's just matter and free of emotional attachments. Making money is more fun when that money doesn't have to make you happy.

Not being happy is childish.

Children use misery and pain to get attention. When so-called adults continue that pattern, it becomes awfully pathetic. Pursuing dreams in order to be happy 'one day' is futile, and it is useless to work on goal achievement with the purpose of being free to to what you want afterward.

As far as happiness is concerned, I promote instant gratification. We can't make ourselves dream the right stuff in our sleep, and we don't control whether we'll have nightmares or pleasant dreams in pink. Neither are we capable of forcing a particular dream into existence during our waking hours.

'Follow your dream' does not mean that your will is the measure of all things and that you must subjugate reality at any cost. Forcing your will on your environment would be a fine recipe for misery, almost a guarantee that you will never be satisfied again.

In my dreams I never get to do what I want. Hence I rather wake up, be happy, and do what I want. How does that work, 'being happy first?'

Good question! I thought you'd never ask. It's easy: attend my seminar. Oops, I forgot that I don't offer seminars ... at least not now. But you can purchase a copy of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job.' That will answer questions about instant happiness. Not exhaustively but in ways you don't expect.

A happy day to you,

Egbert Sukop


P.S.: Are you twittering yet? Follow me on twitter.com at http://twitter.com/esukop

P.P.S.: And don't forget to visit Amazon to purchase a copy of my book 'How to Better Hate Your Job' at http://tinyurl.com/dyal4y